gutted like the fish i don't eat

thoughts run rampant, self-deprecating ideologies stampeding for attention
it's giving me a headache
i don't know who "they" are but they told me to fake it 'til i make it
i do not believe that is something i can do

it's easier for me to spill my soul to strangers than to loved ones
contradictorily, i'm only myself when there's trust
all my friends have left to explore new and exciting chapters
i've been hallowed out
gutted

i've called utah home for so long now
but it's not home without the people that make it so
all my bravado, my so-called strength
has shattered without them
and i feel misplaced
lost like the keys i put on my nightstand
really, they'd been in my purse the whole time
but let's check the countertops, that's where i put them, right?

i don't want to fill this hole with meaningless things
what a migraine